Dating A Vietnamese Girl In 2019 – The Complete Guide!

dating a Vietnamese girl

In my last article I talked about how to find a Vietnamese girl for marriage or long term relationship.

Of course that’s just the first step. Next you’ll have to go through the grueling dating phase, and if you do a good job with building attraction, the two of you will eventually start a relationship.

But you need to be aware that dating girls from traditional countries like Vietnam will be far different from the west. Your girlfriend likely had a pretty conservative upbringing, and her parents and extended family will have different values from what you’re used to.

And if you never lived in Vietnam or dated a Vietnamese girl before, this will be very difficult waters to navigate. Sadly, many relationships have ended due to trivial cultural misunderstandings. Misunderstandings that could have been solved with the right information or guidance.

But fear not. I’ll be able to help you! I have lived in Vietnam for many years and I have lots of experience how the local dating culture works. Furthermore I have had a successful relationship with a Vietnamese girl for over 1,5 years now.

Consequently I have decided to share my knowledge and experience about dating in Vietnam.

Welcome to the ultimate guide for dating a Vietnamese girl!

Dating A Vietnamese Girl

Dating A Vietnamese Girl

First Date

So you got the number and started talking with a beautiful Vietnamese girl? That’s great! But how should you proceed next?

The first question will likely be about the dating venue. I recommend to just invite her for a coffee. Never invite her for a drink on the first date because that will be awkward for most girls. Most “good” Vietnamese girls never drink alcohol, and the girls that do drink very little.

In addition, don’t take her out for dinner on the first date. This will weed out all the “gold diggers” who are just looking for a free meal.

Dating A Vietnamese Girl

In the unlikely event that she don’t have a motorbike, the question whether you should pay for her transportation or not may come up. First, it’s important to understand that most young girls in Vietnam don’t earn a lot of money. We’re talking $150 to $300 per months. So even a $2 to $5 taxi ride will be quite the expense for her. So if the question comes up, just order her an Uber or Grab. If she insists on getting her own taxi and you pay her back later, politely say no.

Most Vietnamese girls speak limited English, and during the date there could be many language issues. One solution is to use a translation application, for example the popular Google Translate. The added benefit with using a translation application is that you have an excuse to sit next to her, and you’ll be able to escalate using light touching (AKA Kino).

Subsequent Dates And Relationship

On the second date it’s fine to invite her for dinner or even a few drinks. But you should still have control over the venue location. If she really likes you, she should be interested in you, and not the type of venue you take her to. If she asks to be taken to expensive restaurants or bars, politely say no and suggest something else instead.

Also keep in mind that Vietnam is a patriarchal society. Your Vietnamese girlfriend will expect you to to take a leadership role and make most of the final decisions. If you are indecisive or show weakness, she may lose respect for you, resulting in a disastrous relationship. Listen to her needs, make your decisions and follow through!

Dating A Vietnamese Girl

Finally, most Vietnamese girls are not comfortable with showing affections or feelings in public, for example kissing and hugging. She may even turn her head away if you try to kiss her outside. Therefore public affections will likely be limited to hand holding, especially in the beginning of the relationship.

Meeting Her Family

If her family invites you over for dinner at their house, it means that you guys are having a pretty serious relationship.

Good job!

At family dinners, it’s customary to let the eldest family member pick up the chopstick and start eating first. It shows respect. Also, during the meal, feel free to serve food to other people. This shows you are caring and the Vietnamese really appreciate this. Also, when you greet a senior family member, you should bow. To bow is one of the first things Vietnamese parents teach their children!

Dating A Vietnamese Girl

In addition, never shake hands with older female family members, but it’s not a disaster if it happens. Likely the handshake will be met with giggles by other family members. But it’s perfectly fine to shake hands with older male family members.

Finally, you’ll likely be bombarded with questions about marriage and grandchildren, and this can cause some discomfort if you’re not prepared. Just respectfully answer that it’s still very early in the relationship, and in your home country those important topics are not something that can be rushed. Usually it stops at that.

Red Flags and Warning Signs

Now when we talked about dating and relationship advice, let’s briefly mention some red flags. With red flags I mean warning signs that she may have other intentions with the relationship, or that she’s not relationship material at all:

  1. If the topic of money comes up, walk away immediately. It can be questions about your salary, hinting that she needs money for studies, a new dress or have sick relatives that need expensive surgeries.
  2. If she comes back to your hotel room after the first date, it’s likely she’s not the type of girl for a serious long term relationship. However, if you only looking for a short term fling go for it!
  3. Be very careful if she has a tense relationship with her parents. In Vietnamese culture family is very important, and this could be symptoms of some serious issues that’ll eventually spill over in your relationship!
  4. Other warnings signs are excessive alcohol consumption, spending too much time on social media, and excessive jealousy. Though those things shouldn’t automatically disqualify a girl it’s worth to keep them in mind.

Where Can I Find A Good Vietnamese Girl?

The most convenient way to meet Vietnamese girls is using an online dating service. You can sit in the comfort of your own home and talk to hundreds of beautiful girls. The major advantage with online dating is that you don’t need to be in Vietnam. You can talk to the girls before your trip, or even invite her to your home country in case you don’t want to travel yourself.

Dating A Vietnamese Girl

But a word of caution. Some girls have made a “career” out of meeting foreigners online, and I wouldn’t consider those girls relationship material. In particular the Tinder app has a lot of those “bad” girls and gold diggers, and some friends have even stopped using Tinder for those exact reasons.

A far better place to meet Vietnamese girls online is with Vietnam Cupid, and that’s where I met my current girlfriend. The major difference compared to Tinder is that Vietnam Cupid has far more traditional, normal girls who are genuinely serious with finding a relationship. In particular with a western guy!

Sign up for free and start talking with Vietnamese girls today!

Dating A Vietnamese Girl

PS I also have a comprehensive guide How to Find Vietnamese Women On VietnamCupid.


Did you like this handy guide about dating a Vietnamese girl, you can also check out my other guides on Japanese womenFilipino womenIndonesian girls and Thai girls, as well another piece on Saigon.

Also, please subscribe to my Newsletter and you will receive a FREE guide how to never pay for plane tickets again!




  1. Getting to your site by chance. I’m a Vietnamese girl and it’s quite interesting to read your article.
    It’s amazed me a lot that what you wrote nearly 100% correct about Vietnamese girls.

  2. Hi there
    Thank you so much for giving all that useful informations.
    It was a comperehensive article about vietnamese girls.

  3. Thanks for the great article. I’m considering doing an early retirement in Vietnam. I’m a tall, overweight American man. I’m curious how difficult that will make it to date in Vietnam. Obviously being overweight is not seen as desirable in America either but there’s lots of overweight girls in America too. From the research I’ve done so far there doesn’t seem to be too many overweight people in Vietnam. Will that make it difficult for me to date? Thanks for any info!

    • Hi Tim,

      First, thanks for your comment.

      Now, let’s address your question. In my opinion, it all depends what you mean with overweight. If you’re obese, yes your dating opportunities will be somewhat limited in Vietnam. Like in any other country around the globe.

      With that being said, I have a friend here in Vietnam who is on the heavy side. But not obese. He is doing totally alright with the ladies and has new dates every week.

      If you want to know before you move here, I would recommend to put a profile up on VietnamCupid with some good photos of you, and see what types of response you’ll get. That will give you a good sense how good your dating opportunities will be in Vietnam.

      I love to hear some updates from you in the future!

  4. Hi, interesting article. I have been talking to a Vietnamese woman online for months now. We now text video call talk everyday and laugh at each other. I am going to Vietnam soon for our first meet. She is taking a week off work to show me around and wants me to meet her daughter. Which I’m fine with. She is a career woman and is not going anywhere, so I have no concerned regarding her intentions. She is very honest so far and even said when we spend time together being a man you should take the lead. Any advice on the week ahead.? I do expect to hold her hand at some point, not sure on leaning in for a kiss though maybe a couple of days in, if we’re getting on great.
    Your thoughts would be appreciated


    • Hi Tony,

      First, thanks for your comment. From the looks of it, things seems to be going great. But keep an eye out for red flags, for example if she brings up the topic of money a lot, or is pushy about moving to your country.
      The girls here do expect you to lead. But lead doesn’t mean you should ignore her. Make the final decision after listening to her opinions. And most importantly, do not change your decision after it’s been made.
      Viet girls are totally ok holding hands in public. Though public kissing are usually not ok for the more traditional girls. To be on the safe side, try ta get the first kiss in a more more secluded area.
      Hope it will help. And do post an update here later!


  5. Andy,
    Update for you. My week went well. We were holding hands by the second day. Kisses by the third and the rest by the 4th. Which surprised me, As she originally said that can only do that if she is in love with that person. The L word was never brought up and I didn’t question it either. We got on so well, had two days spending with the daughter too. It all went great in the end she wasn’t conscious of kissing in public. She took me to the airport and hug and kissed me goodbye. We are going to try and make it work, so I’m back out there next month. This time for 10 days. She seems very appreciative that I’m making the Effort and doing overtime to get extra days off work. She has also suggested that when her sister moves out that I can use her Spare room in the new year. I just hope she has the will power not to give in. I retire in ten years but can do it in 5 but pension would be halved. Still it’s a long way off. She likes a man with a little belly and want me to put on little weight. Lol never heard that before, that be difficult as I like to keep fit and eat healthy.

    • Hi Tony,

      Sounds like things went great. I wouldn’t worry about the weight comment. Just ignore it, since it can be a way to see if she can control you. Just continue hitting the gym and eat healthy like before.
      Keep us updated!

  6. Hello Chris,

    I was wondering if you happen to know anything about gay dating in VN. I have been talking to a girl in VN for a few weeks now and she has mentioned that she plans to move to the US in the next year because she wants to live a normal life with her wife one day. It seems she doesn’t get along very well with her parents which I know you said is a red flag but I wonder if it is still a red flag with her being more outside of the traditional VN woman. Any advice is very welcome!

    • Hi Rebecca.
      No, I have no experience about the gay dating scene here in Vietnam. And yeah, in a country like Vietnam where the family is so very important, not having a good relationship with your parents is a huge red flag. However, in this particular case it could be because she is gay.
      To know for sure, you guys should meet up to see if things click.

      Good luck!

  7. Your ‘red flags’ are the same in other asian countries, such as Thailand. And they must be taken seriously !
    Though at this point I am too old to impress just about any lady, much less a young lady even though a pretty lady has always been in my eye.
    Your article is great !

  8. I love Viet girls but the dating culture here is way too slow. 1 or 2 awkward coffee dates and then dinner and then this and that while she’s juggling other guys. I move pretty quickly and expect more casual dating…something that is better in Thailand or the Philippines. 3 dates is way too much for me and that can easily be the norm in Saigon unless she’s one of the few liberated types who isn’t a prude in the city.

    Another thing is the motive of these girls to chase foreigners. They seem to be holding out for a ‘big fish’, an idealistic image they have in their heads. I had one girl kept fixating on the UK and only insisted on meeting guys from England. I had another try and extract info from me on where her kid can get free education abroad in EU or America while we were having drinks.

    It’s a very annoying process esp if you have a business to run and have to pencil in 50 first dates where girls put up this contrived ultra shy act over the course of an hour at Highlands.

    I’d skip Vietnam if you are short on time…because to get a quality girl here you need time and money. And I’m selfish with both.

    • Hi Scotty,

      It’s totally true that dating here takes time and patience. Vietnam is the right place if you want a great girl for a long term relationship.
      However, if you’re looking for casual fun, Thailand and the Philippines are way better as you correctly point out.

      And there for sure are some “foreign chasers” in this country. However they should be easy to filter out after just one date. Where do you meet these girls? Tinder and the clubs seem to be where most of them hang out.

      But I don’t agree you need a lot of money to date girls here. Normal Viet girls are totally fine with just cheap coffee dates. If she’s pushing for expensive dinner places, politely push back or drop her for someone else.

      Hope this helps!

  9. Hi Andy,

    Thank you for this article.

    I’ve met some Vietnamese women through a dating site. What has been written about them appears to be true. Things are going quite well with one of them. I’m thinking to visit her and see other parts of the country in early 2019.

    It makes sense to have a plan B, in case the chemistry just isn’t there. So in addition to seeing her, I’ve found what looks like a reputable marriage agency that does a lot of pre-screening.

    They have a questionaire to fill out. There are questions about how much I could offer for a dowry, and how much I could spend on a wedding. I’m able to spend quite a bit, but want to list a decent but not extravagant number. I don’t want future expectations to be too high. What are typical numbers for a girl with a college education and regular job?

    Thank you,


    • Hi Hanno.

      Thanks for your reply. I am happy to hear things are going well with your girl.
      But that marriage agency sounds sketchy. I would instead try VietnamCupid where you have much more control over the girls you meet.

      Anyway, I have a friend who just got married to a college educated girl. And he told me he spent a total of $3k on his wedding.

      Good luck!

      • Thank you for the wedding cost info, Andy.

        The way I described things about that agency wasn’t the best. I’m inclined to think they are legit and making a real attempt to provide good matches, and to keep women with unrealistic or wrong goals out. Of course, I’ll be very cautious.

        I’ll continue working the dating sites as well. I’ve been using a smaller site to get used to screening girls without the volume being overwhelming, but will be joining Vietnam Cupid soon.

        Had another video chat with my girl this morning. She is so heart-melting sweet. Verbal communication is slow and challenging, but we communicate very well via text without using translation.


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